


Caught Feelings

by jalex_barakarth3012



Category: All Time Low, All Time Low (Band), Bandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, College, Friends With Benefits, Jalex - Freeform, M/M, One Shot, Rating: NC17, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:07:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24027127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jalex_barakarth3012/pseuds/jalex_barakarth3012
Summary: “I sort of… caught feelings. Like, serious feelings. More seriously than I should have.”
Relationships: Jack Barakat/Alex Gaskarth, Jalex
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	Caught Feelings

Jack hasn’t been on a first date in a while. To be fair, Alex hasn’t either. Jack’s more into the one-night stand scene, and Alex threw himself into his schoolwork for the past few years, hooking up with the occasional cute boy if the opportunity arose. But first dates? Neither of them has gone on a first date in years.

They meet in the school’s mailroom – Alex works there and Jack is notoriously bad at remembering to pick up his mail. So they knew each other – Alex as the cute mailroom boy with the pretty smile who said hello to everyone who entered and Jack as the unorganized kid who always left with his arms filled with envelopes and magazines he didn’t remember subscribing to. 

Jack surprised himself when he asked Alex out on a date. He’d never really considered it before. Sure, he knew Alex was cute, but he never pictured himself going into the mailroom and getting his mail and thoughtlessly asking Alex — who he’d never spoken a real sentence to before — if he’d like to go on a date with him. He was sort of taken aback the second the words left his mouth, and Alex looked a little surprised as well, but Jack didn’t take it back and Alex agreed nonetheless.

So they’re on a movie date. It’s simple and easy and Jack doesn’t totally regret asking Alex out, even though he’s not really one for dates. The more he looks at him, the more attractive he seems – he’s attractive at first glance, and then seeing all his small habits makes it even better, especially when he bites his lower lip or plays with his hair. 

They see some action romance movie, and Jack holds Alex’s hand on the seat divider. He doesn’t totally register that his thumb starts to rub Alex’s just seconds after a brief shot to a sex scene begins, but when he does notice it, he doesn’t stop.

There’s another intimate scene a few minutes later, the two side characters sharing a dramatic kiss as a bomb goes off across the city and Alex chooses to lean his head on Jack’s shoulder then. Jack doesn’t want to take it as more than it is, but he’s not exactly excluding the possibility that maybe Alex is trying to drop a hint. 

Little does he know, Alex is totally down to make out right now.

But he plays along anyway – if there’s any kind of suggestive, physical scene, he gets a little more touchy with Alex. On the third scene, he wraps his arm around Alex, lets the older boy sit up again so he can do so. On the fourth, he leans over and presses his lips softly against Alex’s cheekbone, and the fifth one comes soon after, an intense, passionate sex scene, and thankfully, both he and Alex have the same idea.

Jack hasn’t made out in a movie theater in a long, long time. Probably not since he was fifteen. He and Alex are in the back row of the theaters, and there are people a few rows ahead of them, but the movie is so loud that no one is going to hear them kissing. Which is good, because they’re kissing a lot.

Jack can’t help but feel nervous. He’s not really a ‘kiss on the first date’ kind of guy, especially not when he hasn’t had a first date since he was eighteen. And Alex doesn’t seem like he’d kiss on the first date either, so even kissing his cheekbone before the end of the date was a little risky. But he’s also nervous because Alex is so cute and so nice and so out of Jack’s league and he doesn’t want to make things awkward by trying to go too far too fast.

Nonetheless, Alex is eagerly kissing back and he’s such a good kisser and he doesn’t seem to mind making out in the movie theater at all. Jack’s hand is cupping around his jaw to hold him close and Alex has his fingers around the back of Jack’s neck, tangled in his hair, and Jack fucking loves when boys do that.

Despite the fact that they’re totally making out in a movie theater like teenagers, it doesn’t feel childish. It’s good kissing, not anything messy or desperate. They’re not doing it for the sake of getting turned on. They’re just doing it because they like kissing.

They don’t pull away at all until the lights come on. And then they’re both embarrassed and awkward because they just spent about an hour making out in the theaters like teenagers.

But they leave holding hands, all quiet. It’s awkward now, but not necessarily uncomfortable. “So what do you want to do?” Jack finally asks when they leave the theater, and Alex shrugs a little.

“I’m in a hotel right now if you want to come back there,” he says shyly, and Jack gives him a confused look.

“Why are you in a hotel?”

“Our apartment building is being fumigated, so we needed to be out for a few days.”

“Right. Okay. Yeah, we can go back there, that sounds good.”

Jack is really trying to ignore how good Alex looks with swollen lips.

When they get to the hotel room, they sit on the edge of the bed in silence, hands to themselves. Then Alex clears his throat and asks softly, “So it’s the first date and everything but could I kiss you?”

Jack laughs. “We just made out in the theaters for almost an hour.”

“Right,” Alex says, blushing a little. “Um. Well, I mean, we’re adults, we can do that, right?”

“Yeah, we can totally do that. We’re adults.”

“So we can make out again right now then, right? Even though it’s the first date?”

“Definitely.”

So then they’re making out again, and Jack is so down for all of this. They’re adults. They can do whatever they want. They’re beyond the teenage step-by-step rules. They can go as quickly as they’d like.

And they do go fast. It’s better than making out in the theaters – Alex lies on his back and lets Jack settle between his legs and it’s so great, being pressed against Alex like this. He can feel the smaller boy’s shirt ride up a little bit, and feeling that in combination with those soft lips and the velvet tongue is almost too much.

It’s more intense like that, too. Within fifteen minutes, they’re rocking their hips together and Alex is gasping a little, turning his head to catch his breath and letting Jack kiss against his neck and his ear. “Is this okay?” he asks, and his voice is unintentionally breathy, but Alex shivers beneath him.

“Yeah,” he says, and he sounds shy and nervous and Jack briefly wonders if he’s ever been with anyone before. “Um. H-How far do you want to go?”

“I don’t care,” Jack mumbles, nipping against his jawline. “However far you want.”

“W-Well,” Alex gasps, and Jack knows his cheeks are flushed pink. “We could have sex, right? I mean, we’re both adults, there’s no one saying we can’t have sex on the first date.”

“Yeah,” Jack agrees. “We can definitely have sex on the first date. I mean, it’s not like we’re total strangers.”

“Right, yeah.”

~~~

Things are sort of awkward next time they see each other. Jack is more regular about getting his mail, and for two days he doesn’t see Alex, and when he does, they make eye contact from across the room and Alex’s cheeks turn pink and he looks away, back to whatever he’s doing. Jack makes his way over anyway, tries not to think about how good Alex looked when he came.

“Hey,” he greets, and it’s a little hesitant, and Alex’s cheeks darken even more as he looks up.

“Hey.”

There’s a tense silence, and then Alex says nervously with a soft, teasing smile, “You – you got your mail on your own time. Without us having to send an email telling you we couldn’t fit anything else in your box.”

Jack laughs a little, coughing nervously into the back of his hand. “Yeah. Right. I wanted to see you.”

“You wanted to see me?”

“Yeah. I mean – I know we totally jumped the whole ‘getting to know each other’ phase and everything, but I didn’t ask you out just to get in your pants. Like, I genuinely did want to get to know you.”

Alex is obviously flustered, but Jack thinks it’s sweet, the way his cheeks flame as he stares at him. “I think you’re cute,” he voices, and Alex smiles, avoids eye contact. “And I’d like to take you out again, if you’re okay with that.”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Alex agrees softly, and he offers a smile that’s just as gentle as his voice.

“I promise I won’t make a move on you an hour into it this time,” Jack teases, and Alex scoffs playfully. “Unless you want me to, that is.”

“Don’t test your chances with me,” Alex warns with a light laugh. “But I really do have to work right now.”

“Right,” Jack agrees. “Of course. Sorry to interrupt. Um – I’ll text you?”

“Yeah, okay.”

~~~

Their next date is good. Jack actually feels like he gets to know some things about Alex other than what he looks like naked and how good he is in bed. Jack knows his middle name and the basics about his family and when his birthday is and he shares those things in response, and Alex relaxes the more they spend time together. They’re holding hands by the end of the date and it’s nice and Jack knows he has to figure out his intentions before he leads Alex on to anything more.

“So we got somewhere tonight,” Jack concludes, and they’re outside of Alex’s hotel room, trying to cling to the last few moment of their date. “Somewhere other than a bed, I mean.”

“Yeah,” Alex says, and he’s blushing but he’s amused and Jack smiles. “Tonight was nice. Not that the other night wasn’t nice too. This was just… different.”

“Yeah,” Jack agrees. “Yeah. It was nice. Can I see you again?”

“Yeah, sure.”

There’s a moment of hesitation, and then Jack leans in and kisses him, figures he’s allowed to considering they’ve already fucked. Alex kisses back eagerly, stands on his tip-toes and wraps his arms around Jack’s neck. And Jack is definitely intending on keeping this a short and sweet goodbye kiss, but Alex kisses him deeper and tangles his fingers in his hair and he’s not about to deny any invitation to make out with a cute boy.

He steps forward until Alex is backed against the wall, and he briefly thinks that maybe they shouldn’t be making out in the middle of a hotel hallway, but he doesn’t really care. Because Alex is gorgeous and he’s an amazing kisser and if he wants to make out, then Jack will make out with him anywhere.

“Do you-,” Alex gasps, breaking away for just a moment, “Do you want to come in?”

Jack doesn’t have to think for a minute before he nods. He figures there’s no harm in going further at this point — they’ve had sex before and they would have done it again sooner or later, so they might as well do it now. 

Jack fucks him doggy-style — which, he learns afterwards, is Alex’s favorite position ever, so he’s a little proud of himself. And he’s also proud of himself for getting in Alex’s pants at all, because he knows how many people think he’s cute. He hears them talk about _the cute mailroom boy_ in his classes. So he feels sort of special for getting to fuck Alex twice now.

“I’m so not the kind of person to do that,” Alex admits after they’ve cleaned up, and Jack’s noticing that he’s not as shy or nervous as he was the last time they went out. “Sleep with someone right away like that. So.”

“Me either,” Jack tells him. “I mean — I’ve definitely done it before. But I try to be a little classier than making a move for it to happen.”

“Yeah. I get that. I’ve had one night stands, of course, but, like… I’ve never gone this fast when it comes to going out. _Dating_ , or whatever.”

“Yeah. Me either. It doesn’t feel wrong, though.”

“Yeah, it feels good.”

“ _Really_ good.”

Alex laughs and blushes, rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t protest and Jack loves that. Loves that he’s not shy about enjoying sex. It’s one of his biggest pet peeves — when adults act like sex isn’t one of the best things in the world. Because it definitely is and he’s sure that everyone knows that. It’s endearing in itself that Alex shamelessly enjoys sex, and Jack wonders if maybe he could score a friends-with-benefits situation with him, since he’s not into real _dating_. 

Which he should probably tell Alex sooner or later.

~~~

They see each other a little more after that. Jack picks up a habit of being more regular about checking his mail, mostly so he can see the smaller boy, and they go out for drinks a few times and catch each other for coffee or lunch between classes and Jack is definitely into this boy. He’s sweet and funny and he’s not quite so shy now, seems a little more comfortable with the whole idea of dating. They haven’t approached anything serious, but at least they’re friends now — friends who occasionally end their nights in bed together.

Alex calls Jack over to help him move his shit back into his apartment when it’s done being fumigated, which took way longer than necessary due to some kind of complication. He didn’t have much with him at the hotel, so they’re able to get all the boxes back in after just two trips, and Jack sits on the floor and sets to work opening boxes and setting things in piles of alike items. 

“Do you have a roommate?” he calls out, and Alex comes back from the kitchen, hands him a glass of water.

“Nah, it’s just me.”

“Really? You can afford to live here on your own?”

“My parents pay most of my rent. It’s cheaper than living on campus and they didn’t want me to get dragged in to the party lifestyle when I was younger, so they let me live by myself.”

Jack grins as he opens a box, holds up a prescription bottle filled with joints. “Living alone really kept you from that party lifestyle, huh?” he teases, and Alex flushes pink, rolls his eyes and snatches the bottle from him.

“Sue me.”

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

He shrugs. “Sometimes,” he admits. “Usually just to help me sleep, but it’s nice. I like it recreationally. Do you? Smoke?”

“I have, yeah. I used to more but I’m in the same boat at you now; I mostly use it to sleep if I need to. Some less-than-ideal nights sorta turned me off smoking as a recreation, but I haven’t tried it casually in a long time.”

“Less than ideal?”

“Yeah, y’know. Getting too high, getting cross-faded, shit like that. I also had shit friends back then, but yeah. I usually try to keep it low-key now. Admittedly, I also haven’t gone to a party in so, so long, so I haven’t even had the opportunity to get too fucked up.”

Alex laughs lightly, rolls the bottle around in his hands before he asks softly, “Do you wanna smoke?” and Jack raises an eyebrow.

“It’s, like, 4 o’clock.”

“Yeah. Hazy afternoon high while we unpack all my shit. We don’t have to, but y’know. Options.”

Jack shrugs with a smile. “Sure. Just share one with me; I don’t need a full one.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Alex rifles through a box to find a lighter, plucks a joint from the bottle and lights up, and Jack thinks he looks so cute when he smokes. He doesn’t know why it surprises him that Alex smokes — most of their peers do, especially since they’re old enough to purchase from dispensaries. It’s good weed, too, he notes as he takes a hit, and he hasn’t been casually high in a forever, forgot what it’s even like to not be cross-faded, but Alex is right; it’ll be more fun to unpack under the influence. 

“So,” Alex begins, and the joint is almost gone and they’re both feeling it. “Why’d you ask me out that day?”

Jack laughs. “Uh… I dunno, I thought you were cute.”

“So are you looking for a relationship? Or just someone to hook up with?”

Jack looks at him, tries to gauge his motive with that question with a fuzzy mind, and Alex seems to catch on, rolls his eyes and waves a dismissive hand. “That’s not a trick question,” he elaborates. “I’m genuinely curious. I haven’t gone in with any particular assumptions about us so you’re not gonna hurt my feelings with whatever your answer is.”

“Well, I like you, and I like you more now that you said that,” Jack tells him, and Alex laughs. “I don’t really know, honestly. It’s cool hanging out with you and you’re cute and you’re good in bed and I’m interested, obviously, but I don’t really have an end goal, y’know? I figured we’d just… figure it out along the way.”

“Yeah, that works,” Alex agrees. “I like you too.”

Alex puts on some music after a bit, lets Jack hand him things that he returns to their rightful spot, and Jack asks questions about various belongings and pictures and Alex willingly answers. It’s nice, hanging out in a slow high and organizing, and Jack likes Alex’s laugh a little more every time he hears it. 

“I don’t know why I’m embarrassed to say this when we’ve already slept together,” Alex says after a while, and Jack raises an eyebrow. “But I’m sort of horny and I definitely want to go down on you right now.”

Jack laughs. “Oh my god, are you a horny high?”

“Shut _up_ , only sometimes!”

“Okay, okay, come here then, kiss me.”

Alex doesn’t hesitate to straddle his lap and kiss him.

Jack is more than sold on this boy, if he’s being honest — he’s been with plenty of boys who are embarrassed about enjoying sex, can’t accept Jack’s attraction to them, or boys who are too shameless about their sex drive and overdo it, boys who _know_ they’re attractive, who _know_ Jack’s into them, and he hates all of it. But Alex is normal; he’s not ashamed of having sex and he doesn’t question Jack’s attraction to him but he doesn’t brag about his looks, and he has a sense of humor that matches Jack’s and a personality that his parents will love. The only reason he’s holding back from a relationship is because he’s not sure he wants all that — the family introductions, the emotional obligations, the commitment. Because he’s always been bad at that and it’s always been his fault that it falls apart. So he’s waiting until he has a clearer idea of his intentions, but Alex is apparently on the same page, and that’s just another reason that Jack’s into him.

Jack hasn’t had high sex in a long time. Over a year, at least. And he forgot how good it feels. Alex is skilled with his mouth, which he’s already discovered, but it feels better with the sensitivity of the high, being able to feel every little detail of Alex’s work. So he doesn’t hesitate to stretch out on the soft rug that Alex has under his coffee table in the living room where they’ve been unpacking, weaves his fingers into the smaller boy’s hair as he sinks down smoothly around him, swallows on him and hums as Jack moans. 

It feels like it goes on forever, like Alex is between his legs for hours, but he knows it can’t be more than thirty minutes. The older boy swallows when he comes, takes it like it’s not even a struggle. Jack’s impressed; he hates swallowing, can’t figure out how to time his swallows properly and always ends up choking. But Alex clearly doesn’t have the same problem as he kisses back up to Jack’s lips, presses a sweet, lingering kiss before he grins and whispers, “Thanks,” and Jack laughs.

“Is it too early to say I love you?”

For a brief second he thinks maybe he shouldn’t have said that, despite that it’s a joke — given that he’s never actually been in love and definitely doesn’t think it’s something he’ll ever really experience — but before he can begin to apologize, Alex just laughs against him and says, “Yeah, definitely,” and kisses him again.

~~~

Jack already knows that he and Alex are friends, at a bare minimum. He hangs out with Jack and Rian and Zack, who have already accepted Alex into their group regardless of his status with Jack, which they only know about because Jack’s given them a short briefing: _we’re sort of going out, we’ve slept together a few times, nothing’s official but we’re friends, we’re figuring it out as we go and we’re both on the same page_.

He’s mostly worried about the emotional commitment. Jack’s never been good with emotions; he knows when he’s sexually attracted to someone and when he likes them as more than a friend, but he’s never really been good with love or romance or any kind of real, sappy shit like that. So he’s just stuck with flings or friends-with-benefits or one night stands, mostly. But Alex hasn’t given him a reason to freak out and run yet, so he’s happy with where things are — mutual interest in each other, kept on the down-low and always casual. Friends-with-benefits with a crush. 

He starts getting nervous around month two, though. Sure, he and Alex have just been figuring it out as they go, like they planned, but he doesn’t want to try to drag that out for too long before Alex _does_ start expecting something, like everyone inevitable does at some point. He hasn’t changed any behavior, doesn’t seem to be dropping any hints, but Jack’s never been good at reading between the lines. Which is part of why emotional commitment has never gone well for him.

They’re out getting drinks with Rian and Zack one night when Jack decides to get their opinion on it, just to make sure he’s not totally missing something. Alex slips away to the bathroom after a while, and Jack immediately leans across the table to the others, says, “Okay, I need your quick opinions on me and Alex, go,” and they both give him a funny look.

“What about him?” Rian asks, and Jack flails his hands helplessly.

“What do you think? What do we look like from your end?”

“Uh… I dunno, he seems cool? Like, he’s obviously not into the whole PDA thing which is nice, but you guys also definitely have an energy that’s different than me and Zack. He’s chill.”

“Am I missing anything? He’s not dropping hints that we’re, like, serious? I need to know I’m not fucking anything up.”

“Dude, he’s not dropping hints. And he’s not acting like anything’s wrong. I think you’re fine.”

Jack lets out a breath of relief, nods, and Alex slips back into the seat next to him, says, “So I hate to be _that guy_ but apparently someone broke into my apartment, so I’ve sorta gotta run. I’ll catch you guys later?”

“Whoa, what?” Jack asks incredulously, and Alex is tossing ten dollars down on the table for his drink. “Do you want me to come with you?”

“I mean — you don’t have to; it’s probably nothing big.”

“Nah, come on, I’ll come with. You shouldn’t stay alone if your apartment was broken into.”

“Jack, it’s cool,” Alex laughs. “Don’t worry about it. Stay here and I’ll keep you updated, yeah? Or come over after you’re done. It’s just gonna be me answering questions with the police and you’ll be bored. I’ll see you guys later. Sorry to ditch.”

So he leaves, and Jack feels sort of uneasy knowing that Alex is going back to his apartment alone after it was broken into. Rian and Zack are looking at him with smug grins, though, and he frowns, asks, “What?” and Zack rolls his eyes.

“Dude, you are so into him.”

“I haven’t kept that a secret.”

“No, but you’re more into him than you think. Why don’t you ask him to make things official?”

“I’m not good with commitment,” he reminds them. “Remember literally all of my other real relationships? And how they failed miserably because I suck at commitment and emotions? If he’s cool with slightly more serious friends-with-benefits, then that’s great.”

“Well, do you want to be monogamous?”

“I’m not sleeping with anyone else, stupid.”

“Is he, though?” Rian points out, and Jack didn’t really consider that. “Do you want _him_ to be sleeping with other people?”

Jack huffs. “Look. I don’t want him to be sleeping with other people, no. But I don’t want to be official with labels either, y’know? I freak out like that. I can’t do that level of emotional commitment. There are obligations that come along with a real relationship that I wouldn’t be able to provide for him and I don’t want to fuck up what we have now by attempting something real again when I know I’d just hurt him by doing so, ‘cause I’m a bad boyfriend.”

“What obligations? What are you even talking about?”

“Like — being there for him on bad days or meeting his family or being his date at shitty events that neither of us want to go to! Or moving in with him or being selfless when I don’t want to be or _marrying_ him! I can’t do that shit, y’know, I couldn’t even tell my exes I loved them. And honestly, I’m not even sure I did. So this is genuinely best for me. He can’t fall in love with me if we keep it like this and then I’ll never feel obligated to say it back when I don’t feel it.”

Rian sighs heavily as Zack gives him a pitied look, and Rian says, “You are a broken, broken man when it comes to love, Jack.”

“Thanks for the reminder.”

~~~

Alex doesn’t seem too phased by his apartment being broken into. He’s definitely frustrated by the hassle, sure, but only his speaker and his jar of change was actually stolen, so it could have been a much worse situation. “Surprised they didn’t take all my alcohol and my weed,” he tells Jack with a laugh, and Jack isn’t sure how he’s so unconcerned with this whole fiasco.

“Are you sure you’re still, like, safe there? Living there?”

Alex shrugs. “Yeah, I imagine. I just shouldn’t have left my blinds open when people could see my speaker inside, y’know? I shoulda been smarter. If it happens again, we’ll see. But I’m not too worried. This isn’t a bad part of town.”

Jack insists on staying with him nonetheless, but he definitely won’t admit that he’s a little worried about Alex’s safety. Or that he’d like to be there to ensure that he stays safe.

~~~

He mostly learns to just let it go — their label, or lack of one. Alex doesn’t seem concerned with it in the slightest, doesn’t introduce Jack as a _boyfriend_ to anyone, but he also doesn’t just stick with _friend_. He usually just says, “This is Jack,” and leaves it at that, and Jack’s grateful for the lack of commitment in that. The closest Alex gets to saying they’re _anything_ is when they’re at a club one night and there’s another boy offering to buy him a drink and dance with him, and he just smiles politely and says, “I’m here with someone, thank you though,” and Jack takes that as confirmation that Alex isn’t hooking up with anyone else either.

The best part about what they’re doing is that there’s no _signals_ that could be misconstrued. They don’t hold hands, don’t show any PDA, don’t post about each other or say sappy shit. Alex will sometimes roll against his side after they have sex and fall asleep, or rest over Jack’s lap when they’re watching TV or eating dinner on his couch, and he’s more frequently tugging Jack closer to him in bed and complaining that he’s cold with the weather starting to cool down, but it’s never anything romantic. Comfortable, sure, and definitely a nice comedown after they have sex, but it’s never anything that has Jack nervous that Alex is thinking more seriously than he is. 

What _does_ make him uneasy is the flutter in his chest that he’s starting to get more often. Alex isn’t doing anything differently, is still being his regular self, but Jack’s responding differently, not that he’ll let Alex know. He’s actively in denial that he’s getting any kind of feeling in his ribcage when he looks at the older boy.

He first feels it in the end of November. He and Alex have been doing this since August, so it’s been over four months now. He shows up at the older boy’s place out of the blue one day, knows he’s home because he can hear the music coming from the replacement speaker he got, and the door’s unlocked so he lets himself in, finds Alex in just a t-shirt that has holes in it and a pair of tight purple boxers and he’s dancing and singing to Whitney’s _I Have Nothing_ in the kitchen as he mixes whatever he’s got in the bowl. Jack’s not even sure what does it — but he grins at the sight of the other, feels his chest flood with affection, and Alex hasn’t even noticed him yet. It takes a second of Jack watching him before he spins around on a dance move, yelps as he finally catches sight of Jack in the doorway. He pauses for a second, seems to consider his options, and then he just grins and starts singing again, holds out the scraper he’s got in his hand (which he was previously using as a microphone) and Jack doesn’t hesitate to eat the cookie dough that’s stuck to it, doesn’t know why he finds this scene so endearing.

He feels it again when he and Alex are walking across campus in early December, and finals are coming up and they’re headed the library to study with Rian and Zack, and Alex is in the middle of ranting about always having finals on his birthday when he gasps, turns to Jack and says, “They have therapy dogs in the union today,” and Jack raises an eyebrow.

“Okay? Do you need a therapy dog? Is that how stressed you are?”

“I don’t give a shit about the therapy. I want to pet a dog.”

And then he’s rushing off in the direction of the union, and Jack follows behind at his own pace, shows up five minutes later and finds Alex on the floor with some kind of brown and white pit-bull mix all over him and he’s grinning like crazy, and Jack feels a tug in his chest at how cute that smile is.

Alex’s family visits for Christmas, and Jack is halfway worried that he’s going to get invited over to meet them, that Alex _has_ been thinking of this more seriously, but the invite never comes and he doesn’t see Alex for a week, just gets a few texts from him and a promise to bring him some baked goods as a Christmas gift. He misses him during that week, though, sort of wishes his family hadn’t come so they could have spent Christmas together, or wishes he’d been asked to hang out with him _and_ his family for Christmas, and he quickly shoves the desire from his mind because that’s what _couples_ do. That’s what Rian and his girlfriend of three years are doing. That is not what he and Alex are doing. And Jack adamantly ignores that he just daydreamed about hanging out with a partner’s family when he’s never wanted anything to do with that before, with anyone.

They do hang out after Christmas, after Alex’s family goes home, and Alex brings over the promised baked goods and they sit on Jack’s couch in his dorm and get drunk off red wine, and Alex laughs more than ever when he’s drunk, Jack’s realized. He stretches his feet across Jack’s lap and tilts his head back on the arm of the couch and laughs, and Jack has always liked his laugh but he likes it a little more this time, especially paired with his pink, alcohol-flushed cheeks and those bright eyes. 

When the spring semester begins, Alex meets someone named John in one of his classes. John, who’s tall and slender and toned, a baseball player, with a mega-watt smile and green eyes and Jack is jealous. John’s flirty and gorgeous and Alex gets close with him, and they study together sometimes and Jack is more than bitter about it. Because John has no right to flirt with his boy, even though Alex isn’t really his boy.

“Where’s Alex?” Zack asks one night as Jack settles on the couch with a beer, and they’re doing a movie night with Rian, but Alex opted out.

“With John,” Jack mutters, pops open the beer. “Again.”

“Jack’s jealous of some boy that Alex has no interest in,” Rian states, sits down with the popcorn, and Jack shoots him a glare. “I’m serious, Jay, Alex doesn’t like him. We talked about it. He seemed confused that I was even asking.”

“What did he say?”

“I asked if there was anything going on between them and he gave me a weird look and said no, that they were just friends, and that John has a fiancée. A female fiancée. John doesn’t even flirt with him, y’know. You’re just freaked out because you’re in love with him and you can’t admit it to yourself, let alone him.”

“I’m not in love,” Jack snaps. “You know this story.”

“Yeah, well, you’ve also never been with someone like Alex, who’s very obviously exactly what you need in a relationship, regardless of what that relationship is. So maybe just ask him to be your boyfriend finally instead of freaking yourself out because you love him.”

~~~

He goes over to Alex’s apartment at the end of February, and they’d made plans a few days ago to hang out and watch a movie and smoke because they’d just gotten done with their first exams of the semester and they wanted to celebrate a little. So he shows up with sushi and teriyaki bowls for them to split, a miso soup for Alex, and he comes in to find the older boy at the kitchen table with his head in his arms. 

“Hi,” he greets cautiously, and Alex doesn’t move. “Are you… okay?”

Alex sits up then, and his cheeks are flushed and his hair is messy but Jack’s more focused on the fact that he’s on the verge of crying, and he’s never seen Alex cry before, not even close. “I failed my exam,” he says, and he sniffs and blinks a few times and swallows. “Fuck. I failed.”

“Oh,” is all Jack can think to say, and it sort of aches to see Alex crying when he’s only ever known him as happy and optimistic. It’s an unfamiliar tug of pity for the older boy, which he’s never felt before when dealing with a partner’s bad day. “Which exam?”

“Physics and Instrumentation.”

Alex is studying to be a pediatric diagnostic medical sonographer — he wants to perform ultrasounds and sonograms and a bunch of other things that Jack doesn’t really understand. And just the title of that course sounds fucking impossible. But Alex is quite literally the smartest person he knows, with a 3.9 GPA and impeccable study habits and a sharp mind. He also knows how hard he was studying for this particular exam, spent _hours_ in the library going over it, and Jack feels so bad for him. 

“I’m sorry,” he sighs. “Like… how bad?”

“Like, 62% bad, Jay. Genuinely failed. I’ve never failed anything in my life. And I really need to understand this course and get a good grade to graduate. They _look_ at this course during interviews to see how well you did. I can’t fail it, _fuck_.”

Jack frowns a little. “Isn’t a 62 a D?”

“That’s still a fucking failing grade!”

“Okay, okay, yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

Jack has never been good at this. At comforting upset partners. It’s been a complaint from literally everyone he’s ever had a real relationship with. So he sort of freaks out when Alex starts actually crying again, and he’s not crying hard, but tears are obviously falling and his breathing is uneven and Jack’s chest tugs at how upset the older boy is over this, and he finds himself wishing he could do something to help.

He puts the food on the counter, wraps his arms around Alex’s chest from behind him and leans down, rests his chin on the boy’s shoulder. “You’re not gonna fail the class,” he tells him quietly. “You just gotta find a different way of understanding it. I’ll hang out with you even if you’re only studying. But I’m sorry; that really sucks.”

“It’s fine,” Alex sighs, and he shrugs Jack off of him. “I’m okay. I just needed to, like… cry it out of my system. But thanks.”

Jack’s not sure what to make of that reaction — he’s not sure if what he said helped or if Alex brushed him off because he didn’t help at all. But the older boy just wipes the tears off his cheeks and sniffs and says, “What’d you bring?” and Jack takes the escape route.

“Sushi and teriyaki rice bowls. And miso, for you.”

“You got me miso?”

“Yeah, of course. You always get miso.”

Alex smiles. “Thanks, Jay. I’ll pay you back for my half.”

Jack rolls his eyes, opens up one of the bags and hands Alex his miso, knows he won’t eat anything else until he’s finished the soup. “It’s fine, Alex, don’t worry about it. You know it always comes back around somehow. And you’re having a bad day so shut up and let me buy you dinner.”

They settle in on the couch with _The Fifth Element_ in, and Alex has been begging Jack to watch this movie with him for months, says it’s his favorite. They smoke as the previews play through, and Alex nudges Jack as he hands the joint over and says, “Y’know, you don’t need to, like, comfort me if I’m having a bad day. I don’t really respond well to pity.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I don’t like it. So it’s more than cool with me if you just wanna leave me alone when I’m upset over something. It’s more embarrassing to have someone witness it.”

Jack laughs, but it’s more out of relief than anything. He can’t believe he’s hearing this. “That’s great,” he says honestly. “Because I’m really, really bad at comforting people when they’re upset. All my exes hated me for it. So that’s awesome.”

“The best thing you said to me was ‘shut up and let me buy you dinner’ so that’s all you need to do if you really think you need to do something. But getting stoned and eating sushi that you bought for me is perfect. Thanks for not pushing it.”

“No problem. Any time. You’re the coolest.”

Alex laughs. “Okay. Sure.”

_Alex is definitely my soulmate_ , Jack briefly thinks to himself, and he’ll blame that on the weed.

~~~

Alex starts studying a lot more. He goes to office hours, meets with the TA, creates a study group with some of his classmates, prints out practice exams and worksheets from the internet, even asks the professor for retired exams that he could take in his spare time. Jack gives him as much space as he needs, studies with him at the other end of the table and doesn’t bother him unless it’s to remind him to take a break every so often, to drink some water and get a snack and come back with a clear head. Alex doesn’t argue with any of it, thankfully, willingly takes his advice and thanks him over and over for keeping him sane. Jack doesn’t even know why he’s thanking him, feels like it’s just expected for him to take care of Alex during this.

He helps him relax on the weekends, though — Alex has deemed Friday nights and Saturdays after 4pm to be his study-free periods. Which usually means he’ll come out for drinks with everyone on these nights, will let himself get high if he’s in the mood or catch up on shows or properly hang out with Jack. And Jack’s gotten into the routine of knowing he’s getting laid on these nights.

“Fuck, just like that,” Alex sighs out into the sheets, and he’s face down, ass up in the late Saturday afternoon sun, knees spread as Jack licks him out. Alex absolutely loses it over this, repeatedly tells Jack it’s his favorite thing to receive, and he’s enjoying it even more now that he’s so stressed. Jack’s pretty sure these moments in bed are the only thing really keeping him from going crazy. He can feel the way his muscles release, can tell he’s moaning out all of his frustration and concern with the semester. Jack’s never really liked performing this, but he’s more willing to do it for Alex because he has the prettiest noises and he’s always kept himself so clean, nicely shaven and fresh, so it’s not nearly as bad as he’s had in the past. He halfway likes it with the older boy, likes the way he grips the sheets and curls his toes and moans Jack’s name all breathy and high. “ _Mm —_ you’re gonna have to stop if you want to fuck me,” Alex laughs, and Jack grins against him, presses one final kiss against his hole and then moves up his spine with it, kisses all the way up the back of his neck to his ear.

“How do you want it?” he asks smoothly, grazes his teeth along Alex’s earlobe, and Alex smiles.

“Like this is good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Jack fingers him open gently, knows he doesn’t like it rough like this, and Alex squirms beneath him and grinds on the sheets and takes it. He’s always quiet like this, doesn’t get loud until they’re actually fucking, but Jack can wait. He knows Alex couldn’t care less about fingering, only does it as a courtesy to himself so that it doesn’t hurt.

But he presses in a minute later, pulls Alex’s hips up to his own and admires the way he stretches around him. He’s never liked being a bottom, only done it a handful of times, but he’s always loved watching his bottom react — maybe because he never, ever reacted to it the way his partners have. So it’s interesting for him to hear Alex’s little sigh of pleasure as he bottoms out, gives him a minute to adjust to it. 

He picks up a steady pace, curls his hands around Alex’s hips and tugs him back to meet him with each thrust, and it’s not even two minutes before Alex is moaning louder and calling out his name and clutching the sheets. Jack has always loved Alex in bed — the way his shoulder blades move under the skin, the way he arches his back, the way his hair is messy in a split second. He’s never enjoyed anyone else quite as much.

They work through their orgasms in a chain reaction; Alex first and Jack following quickly behind, and then they lie next to each other and breathe for a solid five minutes before Jack opens his eyes, looks over at the older boy, who’s still got his eyes closed and his lips curled up in the slightest smile and a flush on his cheeks, and Jack feels the sudden urge to cuddle with him until the morning. 

Jack reaches up, brushes Alex’s hair from his eyes, and Alex opens his eyes then, those sweet, innocent wide eyes that Jack was drawn in by originally, lidded and tired and soft now, and Jack’s met with the overwhelming realization that he’s in love.

~~~

He avoids Alex for four days. He doesn’t completely ignore him, still studies with him on Monday and gets coffee with him between classes on Tuesday, but he doesn’t ask to hang out with him outside of that, claims he’s busy when the older boy invites him to get drinks with him and John — who he’s grown to like — and come Wednesday, he thinks he needs to bite the bullet and ruin everything between them so he can get over it sooner rather than later.

So he reluctantly goes to Alex’s apartment on Thursday night, and neither of them have Friday classes so he thinks this will be a good time for him to take a night to drink himself into oblivion after calling it quits with the boy he got too close with. “What’s up?” Alex asks as they sit on the couch together, and Jack bites his lip. “You’re acting weird.”

“I wanted to talk,” he blurts out, and Alex raises an eyebrow.

“Okay? About what?”

“I…” Jack sighs heavily, doesn’t even know where to begin. “I need to… admit something. And it’s gonna suck and I’m really sorry in advance because I didn’t plan for this, obviously, so I just need you to know that I’m sorry.”

“About what?”

He takes a deep breath, runs his fingers through his hair and lets it out slowly before he says, “I sort of… caught feelings. Like, serious feelings. More seriously than I should have.”

There’s a pause on Alex’s end, and then the older boy says carefully, “Like… for someone else?” and Jack groans.

“No, idiot, for you.”

Alex frowns curiously, sits up a little. “Well — I’m confused, then. What do you mean, you _caught feelings_? Did you not have any feelings before?”

“No, I did, I just mean — like, serious feelings, Alex. Not just a petty crush or a physical attraction or whatever. Serious feelings.”

“Okay? I’m not getting why you’re sorry about that. Or what the problem is. We’ve been doing this since August; I didn’t think you were just in it for sex. Unless that’s what this has been the whole time and I’ve been in the wrong.”

Jack huffs. “It wasn’t _just_ sex. I liked you, obviously. And we never, like, made anything official or whatever but there was sort of this understanding that this wasn’t majorly serious, right?”

“Well, sure, I guess, but usually if something’s particularly _not_ serious, I make a point to bring it up so there’s not any miscommunication. And I asked you at the beginning what you were looking for and you said you wanted to figure it out as we went, and that’s what we’ve been doing, right? But I haven’t been sleeping with other people, and I didn’t think you were either.”

“I haven’t been. I haven’t slept with anyone but you. Just — dude, I really don’t want to have to say this, okay? Can you just get what I mean by serious feelings?”

“Can you explain your thought process a little?” Alex shoots back. “I’m missing something. I don’t get what you’re so worked up about. Or what you’re sorry for. Fill me in here.”

“Okay, look. I don’t _do_ relationships. I suck at commitment and I always fuck it up and I’ve never actually been in love before, looking back, so it freaked me out when my exes told me they loved me and I had to say it back out of obligation and hope that eventually it’d manifest to be true. And obviously it didn’t and I got dumped every time because I’m bad at commitment and love and all of it. So I don’t do real relationships, I just sleep around and keep shit casual. And that’s what I’ve been doing with you this whole time, like, friends-with-benefits but we actually _liked_ each other. And I thought we were on the same page about this being casual. But now I caught _serious_ feelings so I wanted to just call it off before I got in too deep and couldn’t crawl out.”

“And what’s your damage with real relationships?”

“I’m bad at being a boyfriend! I don’t like meeting people’s families and having to impress them or feel the lingering pressure to get married if we stay together or having to show up to things I don’t want to go to out of obligation because I’m someone’s _boyfriend_ or having to do all the romantic, lovey, sappy shit that comes with a relationship. I don’t like that. But I also don’t want to do this when I feel more seriously about you than I wanted to since that’s not really our vibe.”

There’s another pause, and then Alex sighs and shakes his head and laughs a little. “Jay, do you think that’s what I want out of a relationship?”

“Well — yes? That’s what relationships are!”

“Jack. I hate all that shit too. What we’ve been doing for the past nine months is _exactly_ what I want out of a relationship. I need a lot of time and space and independence when I date, and my education and my career is way more important to me than a relationship right now, and I don’t like a lot romance. And if I’m gonna put it in your language, I _caught feelings_ a long time ago. Like, back in November. And I always thought you were just as in it as I was. That’s why I’ve been so happy doing this with you, y’know? You totally get me. And I’ve called you my boyfriend behind your back plenty of times. _Real relationship_ or not, what we’re doing now is exactly what I need. So if it’s exactly what you need to, then I don’t want to end this.”

Jack stares at him.

“Since when did you catch feelings?” he asks incredulously. “Like — _serious_ feelings? ‘Cause I’m literally telling you I’m in love with you. I don’t know if you gathered that.”

“I gathered that,” Alex confirms with a laugh. “I love you too, Jay, come on. And it’d be cool to add, like, a real label to this. As long as literally nothing changes between us. ‘Cause I’m serious, this is _exactly_ what I need from a relationship.”

“Are you serious?” Jack asks, and suddenly he’s fucking thrilled. “Like, actually? No romance, no pressure to get married, no meeting families? You don’t care about that?”

“I mean — you’ll have to meet my family at some point, but it’s hardly something I care about. And my parents are just as apathetic about my relationships. But no, no romance, no pressure to get married. I don’t even know if marriage is for me. You know what I like and what I don’t like already, Jay. Seriously. Literally nothing needs to change just ‘cause you fell in love. Love doesn’t have to mean romance, it just means you’re my favorite person and I like having sex with you. Simple as that.”

“You are literally my soulmate. Holy shit.”

“Okay. Sure. Can we stop having this stupid conversation now? ‘Cause I was gonna watch Schitt’s Creek and get high and eat a lot of potato chips if you wanna join me.”

“Oh my god. Yes.”

Alex shoots him that crooked grin that has his knees weak as he grabs the remote, and Jack can't do anything but grin back, wondering if maybe this is the one real relationship that'll work out for him in the long run. And for once, it doesn't scare him that he's thinking about that.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, so I haven't posted anything in years. And this is my first post to ao3! You can check out my previous works on mibba under the same username. Thanks for reading, hope you all enjoyed :)
> 
> http://www.mibba.com/Member/293206/


End file.
